Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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