My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
