Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i would punch a child for taco bell
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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