he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
