We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
