I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
