he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
