Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
