Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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