Tell her she can't have a vagina
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
