i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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