is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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