So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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