She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i've created a new STD.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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