I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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