sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
