yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
