dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
