I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize