There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
