Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just pee around me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
