So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
