There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
