I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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