I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
