He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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