Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
