shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
