The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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