just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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