finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
why do cheetos always look like penises
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
