she was so not down for the gang bang
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
