somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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