Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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