see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You can't special order awesome
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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