don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
