Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
