i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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