After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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