A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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