I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize