Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
