Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
