I wish I could teleport
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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