her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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