1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
