hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
