I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
