You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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