dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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