Michael Bay diarrhea
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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