One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
