yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
