i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
