In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
