I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just high enough for therapy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
