we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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