My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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