she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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