my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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