I must be too annoying 4 u.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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