Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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