Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
