She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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