How'd it feel making her break her religion?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize