uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
