The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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