I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
