So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
