You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
