I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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